08Sep/16

Leaders and Emotion: Prepare for success

September 8, 2016BlogVictoria

Uncontrolled emotion is the problem:

How managers handle emotion can be a huge problem in the workplace. Authors Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves, use the idea of emotional intelligence to help us act like adults when we really want to throw a tantrum. Using four areas of competence, the authors break down the process of understanding and improving ourselves in a way that’s easy to understand and practice. The areas are: (1) Self-Awareness, (2) Self-Management, (3) Social Awareness and (4) Relationship Management. if your managers are proficient in these areas they will be way ahead of the curve.

Question: Why is maturity difficult for managers to master?

The problem often surfaces when an employee steps on the first rung of the “management” ladder. At some point, the company sends the newbie through it’s in-house training program. The attempt to prepare newly minted managers rarely include the soft skills necessary to navigate the emotional-filled human waters. In fact, many programs only concentrate on hard skills designed to teach how to get the work done but not how to get people to do it. Learning the company’s accounting processes is great but managers also need to master skills such as emotional readiness, effective communication and how to give and receive feedback. Unfortunately, these skills are often taught as the result of some managerial misdeed or employee complaint, and usually at the suggestion of HR. Depending on the severity of the situation, it can be too late at that point.

Answer: Self-Awareness is the key!

So how can you make sure that your managers are emotionally ready to move up the ladder? It’s really not that hard. Look at the four areas of competence outlined above, see where you stand, and take action to improve. For instance:

Work on becoming more self-aware. After you experience an emotional reaction to a situation, take time to put a name to the emotion. Was it anger or disappointment? Consciously think about how it affected you, both physically and psychologically. Did your heart-rate increase? Are you depressed or excited? In short, take the time to find out what happened and then find ways to address it. With practice you should eventually be able to do this in the moment. When you can readjust as things are happening your emotional intelligence will begin to grow.
Assess yourself
- Take the assessment in the Bradberry and Greaves book, Emotional Intelligence 2.0⁽¹⁾^. not only will you be able to get a sense of where you are emotionally, the book includes helpful strategies for improvement that you can measure by retaking the assessment at a later date.
- Online assessments are also available that measure different aspects of emotional intelligence. Some seem pretty substantial while others have quizzes like the fun ones you might find on some social media sights. Regardless of what assessment you use knowing something is better than not having a clue. Go play.
Log your emotions for awhile and look for patterns. Use a simple spreadsheet and include things such as:
- Who caused the emotion
- When it happened
- What was the topic
- What was the emotion (name it)
- How you either heightened (if good) or diminished (if bad) the emotion

Leaders are chosen for their ability to make good decisions. Why not start with deciding to be the best leader you possibly can?

⁽¹⁾Bradberry, T. and Greaves, J. (2009). Emotional Intelligence. San Diego, CA: TalentSmart®

30Aug/16

Do Your Managers Lack Courage When Dealing with Problem Employees?

August 30, 2016BlogCoaching, Confidence, Courage, Leadership, Performance, Soft skillsVictoria

Anthony is a junior manager who reports directly to you. During his first 2 years, things were fine but over the past 6 months he’s noticed that the performance of one of his employees, Jeremy, has been steadily declining. Additionally, others have told him that Jeremy is rude, abrasive and routinely makes costly errors.

Anthony has explained to Jeremy several times that he must improve not only his skills, but his professional behavior. Things improve for a while but it doesn’t last. Finally, Anthony resigns himself to the fact that Jeremy is not with the effort but grades him “meets requirements” on his annual review because it’s easier. Unfortunately, the review makes Jeremy eligible for an automatic pay raise. Sound familiar?

Managers fail to act for many reasons; they believe they lack the authority or they may not have the skills. Sometimes, they’re afraid employees won’t like them and sometimes they are just plain afraid. I’ve broached the subject of “managerial courage” before but today I want to take a closer look at how to get it. Face it, managing is hard and you hired your manager because you believed they could do the heavy lifting. The problem is, because courage can’t be quantified it only shows up (or not) when it’s needed. So what’s the problem in the scenario above? After all, everyone gets the automatic increase.

#1 – Everyone knows Jeremy hasn’t earned it

Even if the increase is the same for everyone, Jeremy has been rewarded for sub-par performance.
But there’s an even bigger problem:

#2 – Everyone now knows Anthony won’t deal with Jeremy.

This is when relationships break down, people lose trust, morale declines and productivity suffers. This is when Anthony’s problem becomes yours.

So how do you empower Anthony to get it right from the start? First, let him know you support him and this is a skill you will help him develop. Then, tell him your expectations and his level of authority. Don’t be vague; spell it out. Better yet, write it down. Make sure he also knows that you hold him accountable for team performance; after all, they report to him – not you.

Some Coaching points for You:

Content – Anthony needs to find the courage to tell Jeremy specifically what actions are unacceptable and the consequences for not improving. At the same time, you need to assure Anthony that you understand how difficult the discussion can be and that he has your full support.
Reason – He also needs to explain why the actions are unacceptable and that they must stop immediately. He can’t send an email. He can’t phone it in. The conversation must be done face-to-face to create impact. That’s what makes it hard. It’s personal.

Once he knows what you expect, you can help him prepare for the conversation:

Some Action tips for Anthony:

Plan – Script hard conversations. If he doesn’t plan what to say, he faces unnecessary pressure to get it right. One misstep and he could lose control of the conversation. Suggest he write out what he needs to say and how he wants to say it.
Practice – As they say, “practice makes perfect.” Once he identifies the issues and writes the script; rehearse it. He can’t simply memorize words. Have him consider tone and body language for everything that might happen and how to handle it. Legendary author Maya Angelou says “When people show you who they are, believe them.” He’s the boss – he needs to show it.
Role-Play – Once he’s comfortable with the words, act it out. He might get comfortable with delivering the message in person by having a neutral party play the employee. Suggest he have the actor assume different attitudes and brainstorm best and worst cases. Have him notice what changes and how he might adapt.
Partner with HR –The HR team can be his biggest ally. They can offer preparation assistance and clarify policies and practices. What they should not do is have the conversation for him. These are his employees and his title is “manager” for a reason.
Don’t get caught in a debate – This meeting is not a discussion. Things are past the point of employee input or explanations. His purpose is to deliver the message that a sustained improvement is required for the employee’s continued employment. Suggest he schedule a follow-up meeting to answer questions and set goals.

Once he has prepared, it’s time to sit Jeremy down and have that difficult conversation.

To learn more about managerial courage, check out our services here.

06Apr/16

Words Matter

April 6, 2016BlogCommunication, Conflict Resolution, Listening, Problem Solving, Self-awarenessVictoria

Same Words; Different Meaning (lessons from a teenager)

In a previous blog, I talked about why words matter and how the word “should” often expresses the expectations of the speaker. The word automatically limits the acceptable responses from the listener. As I continue to coach new clients and grow my practice one thing has become crystal clear: Words matter. If you don’t believe me, try talking to a teenager about which words are and are not acceptable.

The Conversation

In a recent conversation with my niece, she mentioned that it annoyed her when her grandmother (and other older adults) answered texts with the simple letter “K” instead of “OK”. To her, it means the sender is angry. So, I listened as she explained that what seemed like a perfectly acceptable, innocuous word to one person could create conflict for another. After all, the word wasn’t steeped in any of the discriminatory overtones that often offend people. Heck, it wasn’t even a word – it was just a letter. At first this seemed a little absurd to me until I realized that it was a great lesson in communication. I may not have agreed with – or even understood why- “K” had a negative connotation but I did understand that using it in the future would throw up a roadblock on future conversations with my niece.

That conversation was a crystal clear reminder that ors words can sometimes be interpreted differently than we intend. If we want to communicate effectively we have to be aware of the other person’s perspective. We must make an effort to truly understand our listeners. One way to do this is to change the focal point of the conversation. Instead of concentrating on what we want to say, take a moment to think about what we want our listener to hear. That way, “I think we should…” turns into “Would you like…”. The former is an expectation; the latter is an invitation. Which one would you like to hear?

Thanks for the reminder Hailey that “K” is not always “OK

Want to improve your communication skills? Check out our services here.