18Jul/14

Communication Today – Old dogs and New tricks

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765px-old dog and communication skills

Photo by Paul Kucharczyk

Today’s communication comes in 40 characters or less and news stories last no more than 2 minutes. The technological revolution has allowed us to do more  faster than ever before;  we can save fifteen minutes or more watching TV by fast forwarding through commercials. Websites redirect if they take more than 5 seconds to load and the popularity of texting has given us a whole new language designed around brevity.  But at what cost?  Today’s world wants information fast and frequently. The writing is on the wall – if you can’t keep up, move over.

I consider myself to be a very good communicator because I choose words carefully to make sure the meaning is clear. I am educated and have always had a rather extensive vocabulary, even as a child. Well earlier this month, I learned a valuable (and rather painful) lesson. None of that really matters when you’re trying to communicate if you don’t understand your audience.

Lesson one: Don’t assume

I emailed family and friends to announce a combined birthday party. Realizing that people were busy and often swamped with email, I sent the message to only one member of each household. At the bottom, (with a special “NOTE :”) I explained my rationale.

During the party I noticed that everyone was there except my nephew so I texted him to find out why. The next day he phoned and said that his wife never told him about the party and he didn’t find out until she got home from work.  He had been asleep the whole time and she just assumed that I emailed everyone individually. 

Lesson Two: Keep up with what’s current

The next week at a different party, I teased him about it and pulled out the email to show him my note. As soon as I said it was at the bottom of the email (so it would stand out) several people started laughing. “At the bottom! Nobody has time to read entire emails; we just scan the subject and the first few words. If it’s not important we move on”. This was news to me. The weird thing is, I do the very same thing (talk about being short-sighted). Of course, I’d be the first person to tell you that I only include vital information so my readers won’t be confused (look for a future post on delusion and denial). Clearly, something had to change and it wasn’t going to be my readers. I made a quick note to self; better communication means shorter emails.

Here’s the thing; I still believe that sacrificing information for the sake of brevity is not a good thing to do. Here’s the problem with that.  If no one sticks around to hear the message, it doesn’t matter what I say.  This is where a good manager and a mediocre manager part ways. Good managers develop flexibility;  the mediocre ones retain the status quo even when it doesn’t work.

Lesson three: Change is constant; get comfortable with it

Part of growing as manager is realizing that you may have to change, even if you’re right. It means checking your ego at the door and putting the organization before yourself. Face it, a great plan to get things done in the least amount of time with the fewest resources will only work if people stick around to hear it. Your job is to see that they do. How? Learn to see the big picture, assess the pros and cons of compromise and proceed accordingly. It means the boss must take the time to learn how others learn and then adjust his style to meet their needs. Not the other way around.

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11Jul/14

Soft Skills: Self-Awareness and Emotional Intelligence

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Soft Skills: Self-Awareness and Emotional Intelligence

You’ve heard the term soft skills but just what does it mean? According to career coach Lei Han, soft skills are those which (my paraphrase):

  • Don’t have black-and-white rules for mastering
  • Are portable and valuable to any job/career
  •  Will be constantly tested in new situations

Han goes on to list 28 skills that she believes are critical for managers to master. I suggest you look at the entire list but I would like to focus on two of them here: Self-awareness and Emotion regulation. Let’s take a look.

Self-awareness

Self-awareness is not something that just happens. No one wakes up one day and says “I know exactly what I am all about”. To be truly self-aware you have to do the work. It means looking deep into who you are, who you were, how you think and then planning how you will react to situations. It means being in the present in all situations and at the same time anticipating what might happen. When you are self-aware, you acknowledge that people can push your buttons – in fact it means admitting that you have buttons to be pushed which is in direct contradiction to the calm, composed image of the successful manager. To be self-aware is to have control over your emotions instead of the other way around. In short, self-awareness means developing filters and then using them appropriately

Emotional Intelligence

That leads to Han’s other soft skill – Emotion regulation. If you cannot control your emotions, understand that you cannot succeed. Period. How you show up emotionally impacts how others see you. Are you confident or insecure? Are you in control of situations or are you controlled by them? Make no mistake, you can be the most self-aware person in the world but if you can’t control your emotions it won’t matter.

So how do you work on developing these two critical soft skills? Believe it or not, working on one area can help you with the other. My advice is to start working on your emotional intelligence. Many colleges and adult education centers offer introductory classes. You can also find great self-help books in your local libraries and book stores, and talk with your HR manager about ways to develop your skills. And of course don’t forget about personal coaching.

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31May/14

Managers and Emotions

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Managers and Emotions

By Lisa Brewster (Flickr: eve8) via Wikimedia Commons

On more than one occasion I have heard a manager express frustration because a staff member did not display “gratitude” towards them. Note that this rarely comes up when everything is going well; “I just don’t understand why Bill is acting this way, he’s so ungrateful”.

Caution: When you start thinking like this, either Bill has gotten on your last nerve or you honestly believe that he owes you.  Either way, it’s time to step back and refocus.
The first case is easy – get out of the workplace and cool off. Part a manager’s job is working through difficult situations with employees. Sometimes it’s a small matter that just needs to be worked out; sometimes it’s a difficult employee that just needs to be walked out. You get paid to fix the problem without losing your head. But what if you really do believe that Bill should be thankful for everything you’ve done for him?
We thank others for bestowing a favor or gift. If you helped your neighbor fix a flat tire would you want to be thanked every time you saw him? Of course not; in fact you would probably get annoyed after a while. So why would you expect an employee to be continuously thankful to you for managing them? You are both paid by an organization in exchange for your help in reaching goals and objectives. The idea that Bill owes you something for hiring, training, coaching, or mentoring him is an indication that you may have turned a business relationship into a one-sided personal one. If you feel he is ungrateful it’s possible that you really mean that you feel betrayed by his performance or actions. The feelings are certainly valid but as a manager you need to understand that they are your feelings,  not Bill’s or anyone else’s in the organization. That means that they are yours to handle. As far as Bill is concerned you only get to address his performance.

One point I’d like to make – I am not talking about a situation where an employee’s actions or statements offend or impede others in the workplace. That is a performance and respectful workplace issue that you need to resolve immediately.

Emotions like betrayal and anger can quickly lead to leaders losing control of themselves, the situation and possibly other staff members. Employees want leaders who model the way, who show on a daily basis what is acceptable in the work environment. A manager’s emotions can quickly become the focal point of the workplace replacing production goals and objectives. They not only affect those directly involved but can atmosphere causing. Here are a few things that managers can do:

  •  Be aware

    This may sound pretty simplistic but the truth is that many of us spend our days just trying to get from one minute to the next. We are bombarded with so much that our attention spans are shorter and our emotions are quicker to rise to the surface. Simply acknowledging that this is the world we live in gives us that split second to take a breath and regroup.

  •  Understand and acknowledge that emotions can have positive or negative effects

on others beings and that we have the ability to control which effect we desire to have.
One of the things that make us who we are is the ability to feel and express emotions. Sometimes we try to convince others that we are all wonderful by denying that we can be angry or frustrated. Accept the fact that we don’t always like the way we feel but we can choose how to display it.

  •  Learn and practice the difference between feeling and thinking

    Understand the difference between believing that Bill’s actions show that he is ungrateful and feeling betrayed by those actions. Beliefs show what we think. Emotions show what we feel. Learn to deal not only with the employee’s actions but also with how you feel about those actions.

  •  Improve your Emotional Intelligence

    There are scores of materials, classes, tools and tips to help you understand the concept of Emotional Intelligence. Consider making them a core part of you skill set and practice daily.

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