Praise works
There’s a commercial that advises parents to praise their children four times every time they correct them. The first time I saw it, my immediate reaction was to bristle at the formulaic approach. I wondered how this might work. If I pointed out something that needed changing, was I supposed to immediately tell them four things they did right? Should I keep a praise cheat sheet handy of all the things I ever appreciated and whip it out whenever things got tough? If I stuck to the formula, would they screw up on purpose just to see how quickly they’re praised, or how many times I repeated the same words? I realized the message was a great idea; the formula – not so much.
Why it Works
Decades ago, I heard someone say “catch them doing something right”. I don’t remember the context, but the phrase stuck with me after all these years. We are quick to point out when something goes wrong but withhold praise and appreciation like it’s a special treat. As a result, employees often live in fear of the phrase “can I talk to you for a minute?” The immediate result is a fight or flight response that makes them wonder what they did wrong. This is known as amygdala hijacking and without getting too complicated, our brain responds emotionally before it can respond logically. That’s how our caveman ancestors stayed alive long enough for us to put a fancy name to it.
Conclusion
So, think about this. What would happen if we actively practiced not only noticing the good things people do but actually telling them about it when it happens? We could go around saying things like “can I talk to you for a minute?” and no one would run away.
Related post: Giving Feedback that Works