Creating Community at Camp

I was invited to be a camp counselor a couple of weeks ago. You know, the kind where you go when you were a kid. Cabins full of bunk beds with 2-inch mattresses and campfires and s’mores while coyotes howl in the night. The whole shebang. No adjustable bed, and no after-dinner cocktails while binge-watching Netflix in the recliner. None of that adult stuff.. Just below-freezing nights followed by below-freezing mornings and barely above-freezing afternoons. It was a great weekend.

Camp Coming Out Happy

The weekend was sponsored by the Coming Out Happy Social Wellness Club led by somatic healing coach Keely Antonio and her partner life coach Dani Max. At the Yavapai Apache Campground in Prescott, AZ, we focused on creating a safe place for people to build community.  A place to find a sense of community and belonging through play. Play comes naturally to us as children, but we have to think about it and plan it when we grow up and that’s a shame. Playing allows us to bond and create a community without thinking about it. It is vital to growth and healing and as adults, we often forget how to do it. Our play turns into a competition with the expectation of rewards in the form of prizes or money.  We tend to forget that oftentimes, the reward is simply playing for the sake of playing.

We spent the first day playing like 9-year-olds. The teams were called peanut butter and jelly and only served as a way to make the groups more manageable. No competition, no worrying about what the other team was doing. It was simply the joy of being outside and playing. The resulting movement and laughter helped create a cond in people who barely knew each other’s names on the bus. When the day was over, we sat by a roaring campfire and told silly stories weaving in the day’s activities with things we had learned about our playmates and the things we observed during the day. The result was a tale about traveling through portals to the moon with pantless coyotes howling in the night. It made perfect sense to us even though it made no sense at all.

The Walk

I was chosen to lead a nature walk on day two, and I wanted to point out that when we become leaders, we become nurturers and caretakers in a similar way the land around us gives and takes sustenance from other parts of nature. We all start as seedlings, needing our relationship with our surroundings to grow and support each other. As we grow, we give that back to others around us and the community becomes stronger, able to withstand the storms and fires that come along with being part of the landscape. The walk ended in an honest discussion about what we needed to do to help our communities grow and thrive when we got back to the adult world.

The Connection

I believe in servant leadership. I see myself as a caretaker, giving my team what it needs to be successful. In the end, it’s not about me. I started preparing for my introduction to the walk, and noted that good leaders are successful because we create community, and what better place to demonstrate that than at camp?

When the weekend was over, there were hugs and tears and we had learned to care for the strangers we had met only two days before. We became each other’s caretakers, and I took away a valuable lesson that leadership is about not only creating community. It’s about taking care of that community so that it thrives and goes on to impact others in small ways that allow it to continue to grow. I came home with a simple question. Do we become leaders because we are caretakers or are we caretakers because we choose to lead? If we do it right, I suspect it’s a bit of both.

Time Management and Prioritization

photo by anncapictures

Time Management is Critical to Success

The lack of time management and prioritization can bite anyone in the butt, no matter how experienced you are. I know, because this month’s blog almost got away from me for that very reason. It’s been a rough month; my computer went to that great recycling bin in the sky, and I’ve been working with (wait for it…) pen and paper. How antiquated can you get?  While that’s not an excuse, it is a fact that I was not very motivated to write a blog in longhand, so I fell way behind in my schedule. The funny thing is that I’ve been working with a client on improving his time management skills.  DUH!

Once it dawned on me that I should probably be using the tools I introduced to him, things got a lot easier. It’s not rocket science, it’s forming habits. So today, I’ll share them with you.  You probably already know them so consider this month’s blog a gentle reminder – mainly to me because I can go back and read it the next time it feels like my hair is on fire.

Tool #1 – Time management: Use your calendar to keep track of when you need to complete tasks

Use your calendar as a planning tool

• Add events with start and end times [Meet w/ Client 1:00-2:00 on Tuesdays]
• Add tasks that can be crossed off when completed [review training plan next Wednesday]
• Create meetings that you can join directly from the calendar [log on to virtual meeting]
• Chunk your work sessions to give you control over your day
  • Block out when you’re busy so you won’t be disturbed
    • Schedule work in increments (need 3 hours to work on a proposal? Schedule 3 1-hour long sessions during the week to get it done)
    • Lunch
  • Use notifications to remind you that things are about to begin
    • A 30-minute notification gives you time to close what you’re doing and prepare for what’s next
    • A 24-hour notification is a reminder of the next day’s work.

Take the time to learn the functions your calendar provides. It can be a great timesaver and stress reliever.

 Tool #2 – Prioritization: Use the Eisenhower Matrix to keep track of what to do first

I learned this a long time ago and on occasion, I pull it out when things get overwhelming.  It’s a simple 4 block matrix that helps put things in perspective.

The idea is to identify tasks in terms of urgency and importance.  One way to think about it is to remember that urgency means there is a time factor involved.  It must meet a deadline.  Importance, on the other hand, means there are consequences if it doesn’t get done. It doesn’t matter when it gets done but not doing it causes problems.  The Eisenhower Matrix gives you a way to combine the two factors to help you see the most beneficial way to use your time.  Take a look:

 

The Eisenhower Matrix

Davidjcmorris, CC BY-SA 4.0 via Wikimedia Commons

Identifying priorities

What’s the difference between urgent and important? It depends. Here are some things that might fit into the categories

• Priority 1 Urgent and Important: Drop everything and get it done.
• Priority2 Important but Not Urgent: Take the time to schedule what needs to be done and by whom
• Priority 3 Urgent but not important: Delegate the task to someone who has the skills to get it done. This is a great opportunity for team development and training.
• Priority 4 Not Important and Not Urgent: Don’t worry about it. It’s ok if it doesn’t get done

Putting it all together

The key to being better at time management is planning what you need to do and then prioritizing what’s most important. Using the calendar functions presents the big picture and you can look at it in terms of days, weeks, months, or years.  Color coding the various items (i.e., meetings in green, healthcare in blue, etc.) lets you see things at a glance. You can also create separate calendars to isolate repetitive events (i.e., sports events, date nights, etc.). An added bonus is that you can share your calendar with other people. The point is you can customize it any way you want. It gives you the information you need to plan your work and work your plan.  Once you set it up, the calendar becomes a valued tool.

After you set up your calendar(s) It’s time to use the Eisenhower Matrix. The goal is to identify the things that you: (1) Have to do immediately, (2) Can plan for, and (3) Ignore or do when you have taken care of the other priorities.

Summary

Taking the time to prioritize what you need to do and then scheduling when to get it done is a tremendous benefit.  Not only will you be more organized and efficient, but you will also be less stressed and more focused.  It’s a win for everyone.

Resources:

https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/eisenhowers-urgent-vs-important-principle

 

 

 

 

 

Confident Vulnerability

Many people believe that showing vulnerability is a sign of weakness but it’s not true. It is, however, an indication that you are open to learning and it’s a sure way to earn respect and trust.  It’s also a way to learn how people think, what they know, and what motivates them to succeed. In short, when you are purposefully vulnerable, it can be your superpower.

Remember, your team doesn’t expect you to know everything and they want to help.  You were promoted because you satisfied the requirements in the job description and you interviewed well.  Great, but it doesn’t mean you know anything about your new team or the conditions of the workspace. Once you add people, the day-to-day dynamics change continuously and you have to be prepared for anything.  You and your team must get to know each other and it’s important that you are comfortable exploring the unknown.  Managing people is hard but it helps if everyone is curious and open to learning from the start.  It’s scary but it can also be empowering.  The trick is understanding what vulnerabilities to show and how to show them.  Here are a few of the fears managers face and the benefits that can be earned by being purposely vulnerable.

Vulnerability #1: You’ll Be Judged

A quick internet search of the word “vulnerable” defined it as” weak, at risk, in danger, defenseless”.  No one wants to expose themselves to that.  We live in fear that others will judge us in our everyday lives, so it’s even harder to think the people we manage will think of us that way.  Workplace judgment can have real consequences.  Negative judgments from our team or even worse, our boss can make us seem incompetent or weak. But what if we thought about the positive ways others see us when we are open to learning? Being vulnerable can also work to our advantage.

Understand that you are going to be judged.  There’s no two ways about it. But, how people see you is up to you and how you show up. Being vulnerable doesn’t mean being stupid. It does mean being curious.  Ask people to show you what they do and how it differs from what others do. Focus on what they know instead of what you don’t know. They’ll answer your questions and help you learn the ropes all the while respecting the fact that you came to them for answers. People love to show others how smart they are and if they can show the new boss a thing or two, you’ll gain their respect in return.  Use it to your advantage

The Benefit: You’ll gain trust

Asking your team members to help you understand things can lead to creative problem-solving and innovative ideas. If you could do it all yourself, you wouldn’t need a team. Your ability to admit that you don’t have all the answers or ask for help creates trust.  When people start to trust one another, they feel safe and can be more creative and engaging. When you say,  “I don’t know” or “Show me what that means”, you give others the opportunity to display what they know and how they think. You begin to trust them for their contributions and they begin to trust you to make decisions that benefit everyone.

Vulnerability #2: You’ll Lose Control

With promotion comes increased authority and once you have it, you don’t want to lose it.  This is where many managers get into trouble. Authority does not mean uncontrolled power. A better definition might be “the exercise of legitimate influence by one social actor over another”. Managing a group of people takes understanding. Many new (and some established) leaders become autocrats with a “my way or the highway” style. There is often an underlying worry that being vulnerable will allow the team to control the manager.  Nothing could be further from the truth. Ordering people around is a sure way to lose control. The more you’re willing to learn from them, the more they will follow your lead.

The Benefit: Team relationships get stronger

Showing vulnerability encourages the team to support not only you but also each other. By showing them that you’re only human, you encourage empathy which helps support each other through the learning process that strengthens bonds and relationships. They know you’re not perfect and they don’t expect you to be.  What they do expect is that you will lead them, but you will have the courage to follow their lead when you can.  One way to do this is by participating in a  new manager integration.  The process involves a facilitator interviewing first the manager and the team separately to uncover the expectations, wants, and needs required to create a strong working environment.  Once these objectives are clarified, the facilitator conducts a joint meeting that allows all parties to discuss ways to get everyone on the same page.

Summary

The call to be vulnerable doesn’t mean you have to be weak.  It does mean that you must be eager to embrace your new role and understand that your ability to influence others will strengthen the trust and respect you get from your team and the direct result will be fewer challenges to your authority as their leader.  Show your people that you don’t know everything but that you are willing to learn and that you value their insight and contributions.  Your interest in them as professionals as well as humans will encourage them to speak up and work hard to make sure everyone is successful. Purposeful vulnerability is your key to ongoing success.