Vulnerability: Your Superpower

Confident Vulnerability

Many people believe that showing vulnerability is a sign of weakness but it’s not true. It is, however, an indication that you are open to learning and it’s a sure way to earn respect and trust.  It’s also a way to learn how people think, what they know, and what motivates them to succeed. In short, when you are purposefully vulnerable, it can be your superpower.

Remember, your team doesn’t expect you to know everything and they want to help.  You were promoted because you satisfied the requirements in the job description and you interviewed well.  Great, but it doesn’t mean you know anything about your new team or the conditions of the workspace. Once you add people, the day-to-day dynamics change continuously and you have to be prepared for anything.  You and your team must get to know each other and it’s important that you are comfortable exploring the unknown.  Managing people is hard but it helps if everyone is curious and open to learning from the start.  It’s scary but it can also be empowering.  The trick is understanding what vulnerabilities to show and how to show them.  Here are a few of the fears managers face and the benefits that can be earned by being purposely vulnerable.

Vulnerability #1: You’ll Be Judged

A quick internet search of the word “vulnerable” defined it as” weak, at risk, in danger, defenseless”.  No one wants to expose themselves to that.  We live in fear that others will judge us in our everyday lives, so it’s even harder to think the people we manage will think of us that way.  Workplace judgment can have real consequences.  Negative judgments from our team or even worse, our boss can make us seem incompetent or weak. But what if we thought about the positive ways others see us when we are open to learning? Being vulnerable can also work to our advantage.

Understand that you are going to be judged.  There’s no two ways about it. But, how people see you is up to you and how you show up. Being vulnerable doesn’t mean being stupid. It does mean being curious.  Ask people to show you what they do and how it differs from what others do. Focus on what they know instead of what you don’t know. They’ll answer your questions and help you learn the ropes all the while respecting the fact that you came to them for answers. People love to show others how smart they are and if they can show the new boss a thing or two, you’ll gain their respect in return.  Use it to your advantage

The Benefit: You’ll gain trust

Asking your team members to help you understand things can lead to creative problem-solving and innovative ideas. If you could do it all yourself, you wouldn’t need a team. Your ability to admit that you don’t have all the answers or ask for help creates trust.  When people start to trust one another, they feel safe and can be more creative and engaging. When you say,  “I don’t know” or “Show me what that means”, you give others the opportunity to display what they know and how they think. You begin to trust them for their contributions and they begin to trust you to make decisions that benefit everyone.

Vulnerability #2: You’ll Lose Control

With promotion comes increased authority and once you have it, you don’t want to lose it.  This is where many managers get into trouble. Authority does not mean uncontrolled power. A better definition might be “the exercise of legitimate influence by one social actor over another”. Managing a group of people takes understanding. Many new (and some established) leaders become autocrats with a “my way or the highway” style. There is often an underlying worry that being vulnerable will allow the team to control the manager.  Nothing could be further from the truth. Ordering people around is a sure way to lose control. The more you’re willing to learn from them, the more they will follow your lead.

The Benefit: Team relationships get stronger

Showing vulnerability encourages the team to support not only you but also each other. By showing them that you’re only human, you encourage empathy which helps support each other through the learning process that strengthens bonds and relationships. They know you’re not perfect and they don’t expect you to be.  What they do expect is that you will lead them, but you will have the courage to follow their lead when you can.  One way to do this is by participating in a  new manager integration.  The process involves a facilitator interviewing first the manager and the team separately to uncover the expectations, wants, and needs required to create a strong working environment.  Once these objectives are clarified, the facilitator conducts a joint meeting that allows all parties to discuss ways to get everyone on the same page.

Summary

The call to be vulnerable doesn’t mean you have to be weak.  It does mean that you must be eager to embrace your new role and understand that your ability to influence others will strengthen the trust and respect you get from your team and the direct result will be fewer challenges to your authority as their leader.  Show your people that you don’t know everything but that you are willing to learn and that you value their insight and contributions.  Your interest in them as professionals as well as humans will encourage them to speak up and work hard to make sure everyone is successful. Purposeful vulnerability is your key to ongoing success.