06Jun/22

Does Success Equal Enough?

June 6, 2022BlogVictoria

Success vs Enough

What do I mean by does success equal enough? My job is to help managers develop the self-awareness and critical thinking skills required to lead people. One of the first things I want to know is what interested them in the job in the first place. So let’s start there. What was your first reason for going into management? Many people, if not most, are great individual contributors and it seems like the next logical step. At a certain point in our career, we expect to move up. It is the next logical step. But does it have to be? Do we really have to climb the ladder to be considered a success? What if we occasionally fail, are we still a success? For that matter, who defines what success means for us?

We are conditioned from day one to believe that the more we have, the more successful we are. Our societal norms dictate that the more money we make, the bigger office we have, and the better car we drive all mean the more successful we are. It reminds me of the old saying, “He who has the biggest toys wins”. I’m suggesting that we stop chasing “more” and start seeking “enough

Discovering My “Enough”

The Military consists of Enlisted Personnel and Officers. In simplified terms, the enlisted are the worker bees and the officers are the managers. Unlike the civilian world, there 9 steps for advancement in each group E1 (seaman) through E-9 (Master Chief Petty Officer) Officer Ranks are Ensign through Admiral respectively. Check out the Department of Defense website resource for a list of military rank insignias.

I began my career as an E3 and a year later was promoted to E4. A year after that, I applied for and was accepted to Officer Candidate School (OCS) and entered shortly after taking the test for advancement to E5. During the 16 weeks of training (in Newport Rhode Island in the dead of winter), to earn my commission as an O1, I was informed that I had passed the exam and was on the E5 promotion list. I remember running around telling a bunch of soon-to-be Officers how proud I was of the news. Most of them thought I was crazy. What was so great about being an E5 when in a few months we were all going to be O1s (providing we all survived the training and the weather)?

I have to admit that I was more excited about that than I was about becoming an Officer. I was supposed to become an officer because I had the education and the aptitude. Being an Officer was the next rung on my success ladder. What I didn’t realize was that being an E5 would have been enough. A few years later I had the honor of serving with Mr. Ed.

The Amazing Mr. Ed

Mr. Ed was the most amazing E5 I’ve ever met. For one thing, when we went out in the field if you needed anything, and I mean anything, Ed Landefelt probably had it. It didn’t matter if it was a screwdriver, scotch tape, or Pepto Bismal, Ed had it and most of it was usually in an old, battered fishing vest he always wore. So many pockets, so much stuff.

My favorite memory happened on an overseas flight back to the states. A sailor came to me and said he wasn’t feeling well. He wanted to know if I had any Pepto Bismal. My first thought was, “Oh sure, I always walk around with Pepto Bismal in my pocket”. Fortunately, it was just a thought. Instead, I said, “Go ask Ed”. Wouldn’t you know it? 35 thousand feet in the air, Ed reaches into one of his magic pockets, and Voila, the little pink tablets appear. I couldn’t stop laughing. It wasn’t even a roll of Tums. He specifically had Pepto Bismal!

This was part of the magic of Mr. Ed. The other part of the magic is that Ed had enough and he knew it. He was happy being an E5 and he wanted to keep being an E5. He enjoyed the work and he did it well so he made a conscious decision to not participate in the exams he needed to promote to E6.

What is Enough?

So what does this have to do with being enough? What if you’re happy doing you and someone else tells you that what is enough for you is not enough for them? That’s what happened to Ed. Because of the military’s up or out policy, the Commanding Officer had to justify why allowing him to stay in the military as an E5 was not only good for him, it was good for the Navy. Ed didn’t want to promote, he was happy where he was because he had found his “enough”. The powers that be finally got the message and Ed was able to stay in the Navy long enough to retire.

The thing about enough is that it is intrinsic. It doesn’t matter how many companies you work for or how many jobs you have. I loved being an Officer and it turned out that my “enough had nothing to do with my paygrade and everything to do with being a public servant. I loved the work and I loved my people. As a result. I became a fierce servant leader in every subsequent job.

So what does this have to do with you and your desire to be the boss? It is a reminder that no one can define success for you except you. It is a reminder to find not only what you’re good at but what is good for you. And more than anything, it serves as a reminder that you can discover your own “enough” hiding in the middle of your search for success. Take the time to make sure you recognize “enough” when you see it.

05May/22

Embrace Empathy to Improve DEI Programs

May 5, 2022BlogVictoria

Want a Successful DEI Program? Increase Your Team’s Empathy

The Problem

Embracing empathy increases makes your company’s DEI program better. Think about it. What happens when an employee makes an offensive remark in a staff meeting. ? The chances are someone complains to HR. If the employee lacks Emotional Intelligence we assign classes, coaching, and warnings. To make sure everyone is aware of the company’s zero-tolerance policy, the company develops a DEI training program. Trust me, creating solutions from the top down without grassroots support, cannot succeed. Using DEI to increase empathy isn’t nearly as effective as using empathy to increase DEI.

Your Role

Companies set DEI objectives based on data but all of the charts and graphs in the world won’t help employees respect each other. CEOs want compliance, political, and financial approval but leaders need and want to ensure high performance and a respectful workplace. Strong relationships are the key. When managers create empathic workplaces, they invite their teams to walk in each other’s shoes. Checking off boxes to indicate a diverse workforce is not the same as having employees embrace and respect that diversity.

So how do you get those checkmarks to translate to reality? One way is by actively increasing your team’s Emotional Intelligence through empathy. Empathy helps us understand how others experience our words and deeds.

What You Can Do

I’m not talking about the once-a-year training session that describes things like microaggressions, cultural respect, etc. These are data points that get checked off for the charts. I’m talking about real-life, down-in-the-weeds discussions and practices. So often, we break out EQ training for individuals as a way to “fix” transgressions in the workplace. We assign a coach and classes to address a complaint with the hope that the offense won’t be repeated. This is treating the symptom instead of the disease. The underlying problem is the lack of knowledge and respect for others. It doesn’t matter what we don’t know or respect. As the leader, your job is to help the team recognize that there are things they don’t know and you are there to help fill in the gaps. Here are some things you can do to get everyone on board before HR gets involved:

Be proactive. Make discussions a part of your normal routine the same way you would discuss any other topic (project briefings, safety procedures, etc.)
Use staff meetings and 1:1s to recognize issues and collaborate on solutions.
Encourage critical thinking skills by creating “posers”. – use hypothetical situations to think through ways to be empathetic
Encourage people to practice recognizing everyday emotional issues, reactions, and solutions outside of work
- TV shows
- News articles
- Interactions with others

Conclusion

The point is as a team leader, there’s a lot you can do to influence your team’s DEI practices. Increasing awareness on your level will get people to understand how their actions affect people they know. The real-world connection brings life to the policies and procedures that come from the top down.

Resources:

LinkedIn Article: The Importance of Empathy…

08Mar/22

To Serve Others

March 8, 2022BlogConflict Resolution, Inspiration, Leadership, Self-awareness, Servant Leadership, ServiceVictoria

To Serve Others

To Serve Others. The phrase has now become an earworm, like a song that just won’t go away. This has become my mantra as a result of a workshop for authors I attended. In order to understand what compelled us to write our book, the facilitator guided us through an exercise that gave us a north star as a point of focus. The phrase is not new to me, I base my work on it but it was always I sensed but couldn’t articulate. After I completed the exercise, the words were staring me in the face as if they had been written in 72 point font.

Why it Matters

As leaders and managers, it is crucial that we define what service means to us personally and how the definition displays our values and beliefs. Once we understand the term, we can start to figure out who should be on the receiving end. Granted, it’s easy for me to say, “figure out what matters to you and follow the golden rule” but we all know It’s not that easy. The reason it isn’t easy is that messy things like emotions and conflict and critical thinking tend to get in the way. It means taking a hard look at the mindset and our actions but if you truly want to serve others, you have to be willing to do the work.

By aligning our north star to serve others, we become better managers and leaders. We also become better world citizens. The world is a hot mess because many of us seem to have lost sight of that star. All you have to do is look at the news to know that the lack of servant leaders is apparent, and I believe a big part of that is how we choose to define the word service.

Service

To serve others. What exactly does it mean? The word nerd in me made a beeline for the dictionary. Here’s what I found: Service [noun] The action of helping or doing work for someone. (https://www.lexico.com/definition/service). There you have it. This seems pretty clear but when “we” become the someone that gets the help things can get ugly. The result is poor performance, high turnover, poor health (physical and mental), and emotional detachment from the very someone we want to help. Our job is to keep the “someone” in the forefront but how do we do it? Well, it takes courage, compassion, critical thinking skills, and strong emotional intelligence. These skills and attributes may not come naturally but we can learn them with some effort and dedication. Unless we are willing and able to do the work, we cannot be of service to others.

It Starts with Focusing on “We” vs “Me”

I began by talking about aligning our north star. If we stay true to our course, we don’t get distracted by things that get in the way because we have a plan to get to our ultimate destination. I said that our world is a hot mess and I believe one of the reasons is because leaders lose their bearings and start to shift their focus inward. Looking inward can make it more difficult to serve others. When that happens, things tend to fall apart. Here are some examples:

Russia Invades Ukraine

This is the elephant in the room and I would be remiss not to use it because it is a stark example of two leaders with different foci. For me, the actions below paint a vivid picture of how each leader defines service.

Vladamir Putin:

Recognizes the regions of Donetsk and Luhansk as independent and moves in troops to protect them from Ukraine. How are these two regions being served?
Invades Ukraine with the goal of stopping acceptance into NATO.
Must be concerned with reports that soldiers are sabotaging their vehicles to keep from fighting. It doesn’t matter if the reports are true or not, the reports have to be addressed.

Volodymyr Zelenskyy

Refuses offer from the US to evacuate “The fight is here; I need ammunition, not a ride”. Are the people of Ukraine motivated to fight?
When asked if he was afraid of dying in the war, responded: “I simply do not have the right”. Again, does this inspire the citizens?

The news reports state that some Russian soldiers are sabotaging and abandoning their vehicles because they don’t want to fight. Conversely, in Ukraine, ordinary citizens are making Molotov cocktails to fend off the aggressors. Think about the actions of the leaders and the resulting actions of their people. Which of these men exhibit the desire to serve others?

Covid-19 Mask Mandates

The divide over lockdowns and mask mandates takes servant leadership to a personal level. What some see as an imposition on personal freedom, others see as a major health issue. For some, the mandate to wear a mask in public became an argument about the right of the government to tell us what to do with our bodies. For others, it became a call to stop the spread of a virus that killed so many people around the world. Community protection vs personal freedom is a singular example of service to self vs service to others. Politicians, legislators, businesses, and health officials gave their opinions and those opinions impacted citizen groupthink. There is nothing wrong with being self-serving. The question is: When and how does self-service strengthen our ability to lead others?

Police actions and civil unrest:

The next time you see a law enforcement vehicle roll by, take a look. You’re likely to see the phrase “to protect and serve” or words to that effect. It’s a phrase that literally screams service to others, yet we see more and more officers being held accountable for doing neither. Is there a lack of service and an escalation in enforcement? Are officers more concerned with serving themselves (i.e. wanting to “control” the overall situation, fearing for their lives, etc.) or with protecting the public?

If the focus shifts from protection to enforcement it’s easy to see how our perception of who is bad can cost someone their life. We see a cell phone, we think it’s a gun so we pull the trigger. A result is a dead man holding his cell phone in front of his own garage. This is especially true if the officer lacks the ability to tamp down whatever fear they may be experiencing about their own safety. Emotion overrides the critical thinking skills necessary to de-escalate a dangerous situation. End result – a dead citizen and a felony charge against the officer. In this instance, there’s no service to anyone.

Conclusion

I could go on and on but hopefully, you get what I’m trying to say. Serving others means instilling hope and courage. It means making people secure in their minds, bodies, and surroundings. As leaders, it is up to us to make sure that our mindset is directed towards service and that it is present every day in every way.

One way we can do this is by purposely looking outward. Ask yourself when you get to work: “how can I help the next 2 or 3 people I meet to be better?” How do I improve my conflict resolution skills? How does this one small act make me a better world citizen? Keep these questions top of mind. Plaster sticky notes all over your computer, put up signs, get a tattoo. Do whatever it takes to go out and serve others. It doesn’t take a lot of effort to stop thinking about what we want and concentrate on what others need.