Returning to work after sheltering in place won’t be easy for many employees. Things are better but Covid is still here. Yes, restrictions are being lifted in many areas and life is beginning to get back to “normal”, but the virus is still dangerous. As we return to what “used to be”, managers and leaders, must realize that the people returning to the offices, stores, showrooms, and warehouses, are not the same people that left 15 months ago. And neither are you.
Even if we have not been personally affected by the virus, we have all been changed by it. We have not been able to hug friends and families for over a year and I don’t know about you, but I now want to hug everybody I see. Still, we have to be cautious. Not everyone has been or will be vaccinated. It seems like there’s a new variant every day, and we don’t know if we will need booster shots in the future.
So, what does this have to do with the workplace? Everything. In past posts, I have preached the importance of self-awareness. I have asked you to really know your people and to make your workplace is welcoming and respectful by building trust, coping with conflict, and embracing emotional intelligence. As people return to working in person, it’s time to practice what I’ve been preaching.
Caring for Yourself:
You can’t take care of anyone until you take care of yourself. Unless your team has sheltered the entire time at an all-inclusive resort with fruity adult beverages, this will be difficult. How do you get a group of stressed-out people to be productive? Putting yourself first will make it easier to take care of them. Trust me, I’m old. I know stuff.
Before you return:
Make sure you are physically, mentally, and emotionally in a good place.
Be mindful about how you might help them:
Head off constant ad hoc discussions around anxiety and stress by establishing specific times or sessions for people to discuss their concerns.
Create a list of resources that you can post or hand out so that you’re not stressing yourself out by answering the same questions multiple times a day.
Make sure you’re eating right, sleeping well, and staying hydrated.
Build some “me time” into your calendar.
Have someone to confide in when things get tough.
Caring for Your staff:
People may be happy to return to work, but they may also be afraid because they can’t trust their coworkers or you to keep them safe in the face of the unknown. Keep in mind, they’ll take their cues from you. The stronger your relationship with them, the less anxiety they’ll have.
Before they return:
Reach out to them and get them to acknowledge and talk about their fear. Ask them to consider creating a set of team norms for dealing with the anxiety when they return. If they agree, make the meeting a priority.
Consider various scenarios that might come up and how you (the boss) might address them. This is where knowing your people can help. You may gain insight into the triggers people may have. Find a partner to role-play different scenarios for practice.
Identify company resources that can help before you need them (i.e., HR, Counseling Services, Company Policies, etc.). See Caring for Yourself.
Final Thoughts
As we return to the real world, my goal here is to bring up some things you may have not considered. It’s not a panacea for every issue that may exist. It is, however, intended to get you thinking about what might happen and how you might prepare for it. We are getting back to “normal” and don’t be surprised if I give you a great big hug when next we meet.
Conflict: is a part of our daily life. If you read or watch the news these days, you get a sense that everyone and everything is at war. It’s everpresent: at home, at work, in schools, governments, and in politics. It seems like our disagreements today have escalated to the point that it’s overwhelming, right? Wrong! There has been and always will be conflict. What has changed is how we deal with it. Here are some universal truths. Conflict: • Will happen •Creates strong emotions • Involves a difference of opinion • Provides a catalyst for change
I often find that learners found it difficult to accept the idea that conflict is nothing more than a difference of opinion. It’s the degree of the difference that dictates the strategy for resolution. To that end, I suggest you start to think of conflict in terms of starting with a big C or a little c. Let’s take a look at each one.
“Big C” Disagreements
Turn on the news and you’ll see “big c” conflict all over the place. Countries at war, politicians at odds, racial strife, and criminal assaults. Without immediate and sustained resolution the consequences are serious. Major conflicts can also occur in our personal lives. We may clash at work or at home and that requires us to change how we operate and interact with others. Whatever the source, we can’t move forward until we fix the problem.
“Small c” Disagreements
“Small c” conflict on the other hand is different because: (1) the consequences usually aren’t very serious and, (2) resolution can be much easier. Two people with a difference of opinion on what color paper to use is a conflict. The project won’t move forward until we agree on a color. It’s not earth-shattering, it’s just something we have to decide on to keep going.
The Big Picture:
We tend to shy away from conflict because we think it will always lead to confrontation. That’s not true. When viewed as something to be solved, it becomes a useful tool for implementing change. One way to change our mindset is to understand the various types of conflicts.
Four Types to Consider:
Realizing that there is a difference of opinion is only the first step. The next step is understanding the nature of the conflict. Which type is it? Is it because you can’t figure out who’s in charge? Maybe they want to start the project a different way or maybe a different project altogether. Or maybe you just don’t like each other. Once you can pinpoint the issue, you can figure out a strategy for resolution. In her book Dealing with Conflict, Author Amy Gallo describes four basic types of conflict.
TYPE
CAUSE
RESULT
Relationship
Emotional or personality clashes lead to feelings of disrespect and a lack of trust
Fight Freeze Flee
Task
The difference in understanding goals and objectives leads to confusion about what needs to be done.
Lack of progress We can’t agree on what specific things we should be doing
Process
Expecting things to be done differently. Asks the question: How are we going to do it?
Lack of progress because we can’t agree on how things need to be done
Status
Blurred lines of authority create ambiguity causing disruption and distrust. Asks the question: Who is responsible for getting the job done?
Escalated relationship conflict due to misplaced accountability because we don’t know where to go for answers.
The 3-question Rule
Believe it or not, just because there’s a disagreement, doesn’t mean it has to be resolved by you or even resolved at all. In his article, Why Emotionally Intelligent Minds Embrace the 3-Question Rule, author Justin Bariso suggests 3 questions to help you determine whether addressing the conflict is even your responsibility. Ask yourself:
Does the conflict need to be addressed?
Am I the right person to address it?
Does it need to be addressed now?
Conflict can impact us emotionally even as onlookers even if it’s not our problem to solve. That’s because our brain keeps us safe by allowing us to feel things (fight or flight) first. Once we are out of harm’s way, we can think about what we need to do. We are impacted emotionally first because our brain is wired to keep us safe. As soon as we sense danger, the fight or flight response takes over. Face it, it’s hard to think when you’re trying to get to safety. Once we’re safe, we can figure out what to do. Bariso’s questions help us figure out not only what needs to be done but more importantly, who needs to do it. Once you decide that you do need to address the issue, Amy Gallo gives you options for dealing with it.
Strategies for Resolution
There are several ways to address the conflict. Some involve seeking outside help, others are things you can do yourself. Amy Gallo, suggests these four options for dealing with conflict
Do Nothing
This is not the same as giving in or giving up. It is a conscious choice you make based on your interpretation of the conflict. The conflict may not be serious, or it might resolve on its own. For example, you have a fixed-term employee who is creating conflict with a continuing employee, but her term is due to end soon. As soon as she leaves, the conflict ends. Problem solved.
Address it Indirectly
Addressing the conflict indirectly can mean asking for help from others such as your boss or HR. It can also involve speaking with the other party without bringing up the conflict between the two of you. This is where the art of storytelling can be effective. Stories and metaphors can be very effective, especially if either party is conflict averse.
Address it Directly
The ability to address a conflict directly takes practice. Recognizing that we encounter conflict all of the time, and while it is uncomfortable, it can help improve processes and relationships. If you tend to avoid rather than seek conflict, it might help to develop a growth mindset to help you challenge how you think about conflict in general. As a manager, you will eventually have to deal with conflict that might not involve you directly but may involve members of your team(s). Actively seeking conflict doesn’t mean breaking up fistfights or yelling matches. Does a process need defining? Does your team compete for project lead? Use normal work situations to practice identifying the type of conflict and how you will deal with it.
Exit
Sometimes, conflict cannot be resolved, and the only option is to walk away. It usually means that the relationship cannot be repaired, and all efforts have been exhausted. Exiting doesn’t necessarily mean that a person packs their bags and leaves. Requesting a different workstation, partner, or assignment may be some way to reduce interactions with the other person without leaving the organization entirely. However, if the conflict is serious enough that it might lead to unsafe conditions— leaving may be the right option. In the same way that doing nothing is not ignoring the issue, exiting is not running away. It is an appropriate option for conflict-resolution
Conclusion:
Given that conflict is a fact of life, it’s important that we learn to cope with it regardless of the severity. When we can do that, we start to see the benefit of conflict. Conflicts bring problems to light and resolving them can lead to creative solutions to improve processes and relationships. I challenge you to embrace the conflict that comes your way. It will make you a better leader
Resources: Bariso, J. (2021, April 30). Why Emotionally Intelligent Minds Embrace the 3-Question Rule. .
There’s a commercial that advises parents to praise their children four times every time they correct them. The first time I saw it, my immediate reaction was to bristle at the formulaic approach. I wondered how this might work. If I pointed out something that needed changing, was I supposed to immediately tell them four things they did right? Should I keep a praise cheat sheet handy of all the things I ever appreciated and whip it out whenever things got tough? If I stuck to the formula, would they screw up on purpose just to see how quickly they’re praised, or how many times I repeated the same words? I realized the message was a great idea; the formula – not so much.
Why it Works
Decades ago, I heard someone say “catch them doing something right”. I don’t remember the context, but the phrase stuck with me after all these years. We are quick to point out when something goes wrong but withhold praise and appreciation like it’s a special treat. As a result, employees often live in fear of the phrase “can I talk to you for a minute?” The immediate result is a fight or flight response that makes them wonder what they did wrong. This is known as amygdala hijacking and without getting too complicated, our brain responds emotionally before it can respond logically. That’s how our caveman ancestors stayed alive long enough for us to put a fancy name to it.
Conclusion
So, think about this. What would happen if we actively practiced not only noticing the good things people do but actually telling them about it when it happens? We could go around saying things like “can I talk to you for a minute?” and no one would run away.
