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“When people show you who they are, believe them” ~Maya Angelou
“The difference between the almost right word and the right word is a really large matter. ‘Tis the difference between the lightening-bug and the lightening” ~ Mark Twain
The two quotes above may seem like disparate thoughts but they do have a common element. They speak to how we communicate with each other. Maya Angelou points out that a person’s actions may not be in concert with what they say and Mark Twain shows us that words we use really do matter
Think about it. Your company’s mission is to deliver product “on-time” but your colleague is routinely 5-10 minutes late for staff meetings. Does s/he really believe in the mission? Your boss that tells you he would like a project completed by a certain date when he really needs it by then to finish his report. You get swamped and finish the project a day later. Where was the disconnect? And what about the power of silence? How often are we busy formulating our response to what the other person is saying? Or even trying to talk at the same time. If we’re talking or thinking about a response, you can bet that we are not listening. What we say, how we say it and how we present ourselves can open the conversation or shut it down completely. What do your word and actions show?
How to do it
Try this the next time you are having a conversation with someone. Treat the conversation as a three-step approach. First stop talking and really listen to what is being said. Not only listen but hear the meaning behind the words. Maybe “you really shined in the meeting” actually means “I’m glad you took our training to heart last week”. Think about the words being used and look to see if they match the body language, the facial expressions, the demonstrated behaviors of the speaker (Angelou). If they don’t ask questions (Twain). Seek to clarify the message but don’t jump in until you’re invited. Wait for a pause. Ask if there is more information and then and only then give your input. Let me know how it works.