Confident Vulnerability

Many people believe that showing vulnerability is a sign of weakness but it’s not true. It is, however, an indication that you are open to learning and it’s a sure way to earn respect and trust.  It’s also a way to learn how people think, what they know, and what motivates them to succeed. In short, when you are purposefully vulnerable, it can be your superpower.

Remember, your team doesn’t expect you to know everything and they want to help.  You were promoted because you satisfied the requirements in the job description and you interviewed well.  Great, but it doesn’t mean you know anything about your new team or the conditions of the workspace. Once you add people, the day-to-day dynamics change continuously and you have to be prepared for anything.  You and your team must get to know each other and it’s important that you are comfortable exploring the unknown.  Managing people is hard but it helps if everyone is curious and open to learning from the start.  It’s scary but it can also be empowering.  The trick is understanding what vulnerabilities to show and how to show them.  Here are a few of the fears managers face and the benefits that can be earned by being purposely vulnerable.

Vulnerability #1: You’ll Be Judged

A quick internet search of the word “vulnerable” defined it as” weak, at risk, in danger, defenseless”.  No one wants to expose themselves to that.  We live in fear that others will judge us in our everyday lives, so it’s even harder to think the people we manage will think of us that way.  Workplace judgment can have real consequences.  Negative judgments from our team or even worse, our boss can make us seem incompetent or weak. But what if we thought about the positive ways others see us when we are open to learning? Being vulnerable can also work to our advantage.

Understand that you are going to be judged.  There’s no two ways about it. But, how people see you is up to you and how you show up. Being vulnerable doesn’t mean being stupid. It does mean being curious.  Ask people to show you what they do and how it differs from what others do. Focus on what they know instead of what you don’t know. They’ll answer your questions and help you learn the ropes all the while respecting the fact that you came to them for answers. People love to show others how smart they are and if they can show the new boss a thing or two, you’ll gain their respect in return.  Use it to your advantage

The Benefit: You’ll gain trust

Asking your team members to help you understand things can lead to creative problem-solving and innovative ideas. If you could do it all yourself, you wouldn’t need a team. Your ability to admit that you don’t have all the answers or ask for help creates trust.  When people start to trust one another, they feel safe and can be more creative and engaging. When you say,  “I don’t know” or “Show me what that means”, you give others the opportunity to display what they know and how they think. You begin to trust them for their contributions and they begin to trust you to make decisions that benefit everyone.

Vulnerability #2: You’ll Lose Control

With promotion comes increased authority and once you have it, you don’t want to lose it.  This is where many managers get into trouble. Authority does not mean uncontrolled power. A better definition might be “the exercise of legitimate influence by one social actor over another”. Managing a group of people takes understanding. Many new (and some established) leaders become autocrats with a “my way or the highway” style. There is often an underlying worry that being vulnerable will allow the team to control the manager.  Nothing could be further from the truth. Ordering people around is a sure way to lose control. The more you’re willing to learn from them, the more they will follow your lead.

The Benefit: Team relationships get stronger

Showing vulnerability encourages the team to support not only you but also each other. By showing them that you’re only human, you encourage empathy which helps support each other through the learning process that strengthens bonds and relationships. They know you’re not perfect and they don’t expect you to be.  What they do expect is that you will lead them, but you will have the courage to follow their lead when you can.  One way to do this is by participating in a  new manager integration.  The process involves a facilitator interviewing first the manager and the team separately to uncover the expectations, wants, and needs required to create a strong working environment.  Once these objectives are clarified, the facilitator conducts a joint meeting that allows all parties to discuss ways to get everyone on the same page.

Summary

The call to be vulnerable doesn’t mean you have to be weak.  It does mean that you must be eager to embrace your new role and understand that your ability to influence others will strengthen the trust and respect you get from your team and the direct result will be fewer challenges to your authority as their leader.  Show your people that you don’t know everything but that you are willing to learn and that you value their insight and contributions.  Your interest in them as professionals as well as humans will encourage them to speak up and work hard to make sure everyone is successful. Purposeful vulnerability is your key to ongoing success.

Accountability Matters: Why Holding Yourself Responsible Leads to Success

As a manager, we know that accountability matters, but do we know how to use it?  Ask any leader and they will be the first to tell you that they hold their teams accountable for getting the work done on time, within budget, etc.  But they often won’t be able to tell you how they hold themselves accountable.  Why is that? Many times it’s because they don’t. That’s right, it’s easy to hold others accountable, but when it comes to ourselves, we often fall short.

Why Accountability Matters

As a manager, we know that accountability matters, but do we know how to use it?  Ask any leader and they will be the first to tell you that they hold their teams accountable for getting the work done on time, within budget, etc.  But they often won’t be able to tell you how they hold themselves accountable.  Why is that? Many times, it’s because they don’t. That’s right, it’s easy to hold others accountable, but when it comes to us, we often fall short.

 What Does it Mean to be Accountable?

Being accountable means answering for our actions. It doesn’t matter if we answer to others or ourselves, it means justifying what we’ve done and realizing that there are consequences. It’s a natural part of our job as managers. As soon as we hire someone, we start holding them accountable with policies, procedures, training, etc.  We make sure they fill out timesheets, produce reports, and follow directions. To make sure they understand the consequences, we write performance appraisals. So how do (and why should) we do this for ourselves

Why Personal Accountability Matters

Holding others accountable often feels like micromanagement but it’s not. It’s a critical element of success. If there is no one to answer to – you can do whatever you want without course correction. The consequences can be ruinous.

I know from personal experience because I used to be a manager in a retail operation and left for a position in city government.  I missed the retail atmosphere and went back to work part-time in the evenings.  The young man who replaced me knew how to manage the product but lacked the skills to manage people. His choice of music contained explicit lyrics that customers could hear.  He and his female assistant would horseplay in front of everyone. To him, meeting metrics meant he was doing a good job.  I began to hate working there and the  District manager could not/would not hold him accountable for his conduct. I suspect it’s because some of the staff enjoyed the atmosphere and the ones who didn’t dared complain.

Finally, I had enough and requested a meeting with him. Wanting to see him succeed,  I attempted to coach him about how his conduct could cause problems and his response was to tell me I was no longer the manager, and he would do what he wanted.  The consequences? I quit, Corporate finally got wind of his conduct, and I have no idea where he is now but he’s not working for the company.

You’re not the Only One Affected

There were consequences for the company too.  The District Manager had to expend resources to hire and train yet another manager. For me, I left a job I truly enjoyed and while it’s not a dire consequence, it still matters.

So yes, there are consequences for not holding people accountable and that includes yourself. Had the manager checked himself, he would have understood that his conduct was more appropriate for off-duty hours. So what about you? Do you check on yourself or do you wait until someone else reminds you? If you’re waiting on someone else to do it, you’re missing a great opportunity for growth and success.

Who holds you accountable?

The higher you are in the food chain, the more autonomy you should have but it doesn’t mean you can do anything you want. Power does not equal competence.  It does mean that you are expected to hold yourself accountable instead of having someone check in with you on a routine basis.  When a new hire comes on board, the manager assigns work and checks in routinely to make sure things are going well. The more the new hire learns, the less the manager checks.

The problem starts when you have been promoted several times and your boss assumes that you understand your responsibilities. They trust you to get the job done. Unfortunately, your skills as an individual contributor coupled with your ego, can get in the way. Why? Because you understand the tasks but not the personal responsibility. You haven’t improved the critical thinking skills that let you foresee consequences. As a result, you set yourself, and your team up for failure.  Your personal accountability ultimately affects everyone around you.

The Benefits of Being Accountable

When you hold yourself accountable, your management skills improve in various ways without you really trying.  For example:

• You set an example that others will follow. How you conduct yourself sets the tone for workplace culture. They will be motivated to follow your lead and empowered to hold themselves accountable.
• Your people will begin to trust you and you will gain credibility. Taking responsibility for things that go wrong demonstrates a vulnerability that allows them to fail forward.  There is no progress without failure.
• Your critical thinking skills will improve. Holding yourself accountable means that you will dig deep to understand your challenges so that you can solve problems

Additionally, understanding responsibilities and obligations will make it easier to adapt to change, communicate with clarity and transparency, and meet organizational goals, all of which lead to success.

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 “Meets Expectations” is Not the Same as Poor Performer

Man pointing finger at one star implying poor performance

It’s performance review time and you’re frustrated.  The superstar you thought you hired is turning out to be a minor-leaguer who can only meet expectations.   In the interview, you were convinced you’d found a future leader who would make the team stronger, smarter, and more efficient but it’s not happening. Instead, you got someone who does the bare minimum, and you can’t figure out what happened.  More importantly,  you want to fix it; to motivate the employee to live up to their true potential. Your frustration has you considering if you should terminate the employee because you can only rate them as “meets expectations”.

You’re trying to figure out what you missed in the interview and how to fix it.  Unfortunately, it all started long before you offered the job offer.  Why? Because the job description is the first place to list the job expectations.  If you are looking for someone with the potential to be a future leader, tell them. All too often, hiring managers list the bare minimum an employee needs to do to meet expectations, then get upset when they get exactly what they requested.  There’s an idea that if someone does more than required, they have the potential for greatness, but you have to wait until they’re working to let them know. I suspect that if you tell applicants you’re looking for greatness in the beginning, you’ll get a better candidate pool. Don’t start with bench players when you can recruit varsity players from the start.

THE EMOTIONAL SIDE OF “MEETS EXPECTATIONS”

To many people, a job is just a job.  Some people don’t want to reach the top of the corporate ladder; they just want to pay their bills.  By not defining expectations in the job description, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Once that happens, you’re dealing with emotions, and they’ve affected your ability to reason.  You’re upset that your dream isn’t playing out the way you planned.  Not only is this ineffective, but it’s also not healthy. If you work on understanding and improving your EQ, you will understand that how you see your employee’s role in the organization may not be the same as theirs.

FIRST: SET THE EXPECTATIONS IN THE JOB DESCRIPTION

This is where you start setting your expectations.  You do it not once you’ve filled the position, but as soon as you know you have a position to fill. This is the time to explain what the position entails. In addition to listing duties, don’t forget to include the qualities you expect the candidate to have. You can include things such as:

• Energetic, independent thinker
• Strong critical thinking skills
• Must be able to demonstrate strong, applicable leadership skills

The point is that you can use the job description to attract candidates that fit the role you want.

NEXT: EXPLAIN THE EXPECTATIONS IN THE INTERVIEW

Many hiring managers go into the interview trying to find a good “fit” for the team. What they don’t remember is that the applicant is also interviewing the company.  It’s a two-way street. Setting expectations first in the job description and then in the interview sets the tone for success. If the process involves a panel, all members need to know what the expectations are. Make sure everyone is on board, especially with the soft skills needed to exceed expectations.

Once a final candidate has been chosen, why not discuss the rating system so that the applicant understands what “meets expectations” means?

FINALLY: REINFORCE THE EXPECTATIONS THROUGH COACHING AND MENTORING

If the manager hasn’t set expectations before the candidate comes aboard, it’s not too late.  Work with the employee to set expectations at every opportunity. Some methods include:

• Outline and agree upon expectations on both sides. Remember, the employee accepted the job offer based on their expectations from the company
• Set expectations in regular meetings regarding projects, performance, personal development, etc.
• Use opportunities to coach in the moment, not only when things need correcting but especially when you catch the employee doing something right
• Hold regular meetings with the employee and follow up with short, confirming emails. This does a couple of things
  • It serves as a reminder for both parties
  • It serves as documentation for further actions (i.e. training opportunities, development and goal-setting plans, discipline actions

BOTTOM LINE: “MEETS EXPECTATIONS” IS JUST FINE

The short answer is that employees that meet expectations are a necessary part of the workforce.  Every organization needs people to do the mundane tasks that keep the wheels turning without fanfare.  A good manager recognizes each employee’s contribution and makes it a point to celebrate what they do to keep the wheels on the bus.