By Amotoki (Own work) via Wikimedia Commons
As a manager you may often find yourself in the middle of a minefield without a clue how to proceed. Where do you start looking for help? There are many people around who want you to succeed that they will willingly give you the benefit of their knowledge and experience. Your job is figure out where to go and when. If you get it wrong, it can make your issue that much more difficult. Here are some things to think about when seeking support:
Spouse/Partner
This person will be your biggest cheerleader so don’t expect to get that butt-kicking you may occasionally need. Go here to build confidence and alleviate self-doubt. Your partner may be perfectly capable of telling you when you’re messing up but give that job to someone else. Am I saying don’t discuss work with your spouse? No, but unless you are in the same profession and can solve the problem– don’t get into anything deep. Home is for recharging your batteries so that you can start fresh the next day. Better to have them rub your feet.
Staff
Technical or knowledge based questions go to your staff. They’re the experts and will be happy to fill in the gaps. After all, unless you came from their ranks, they don’t expect you to know it all. Getting their input humanizes you without undermining your authority. Be honest with what you know and what you do not know because if they believe you are pretending; you will break the very trust you are trying to establish.
Boss
This is a must go-to person but proceed with caution lest you seem incompetent. Before you enter the office, think about the problem you are trying to solve and the words you want to use. Write it down and ask intelligent questions that demonstrate critical thinking skills. Your goal is to learn and grow – not whine and complain. By the same token, don’t make the mistake of not going to your boss for answers. If you’re not sure which situations warrant advice – ask.
Peers
Peers are powerful allies. They are not your boss and they are not your staff. They know your industry and the players in it. This puts them in a position to best counsel you because they have all of the pieces. Expect observations to be genuine because they can show you what others see. A time will come when things don’t go as they should. Who do want to give you feedback to help you correct it? If your boss addresses it, you’ll probably be concerned about a reprimand. Conversely, if a direct report addresses it, s/he may fear retaliation from you whether warranted or not. A peer can give you that unvarnished truth you need to make the necessary corrections without fear.
How to choose a peer advocate:
- Choose only one person. You are asking this person to be your workplace advisor. More than one gets confusing.
- Make an official request. Explain that you want them to be part of your support team. Their role is to give you honest feedback about your actions and decisions that will help you learn and grow.
- Use “Vegas” rules. Work on building the trust by agreeing that your discussions remain private.
- And finally – This is not your “vent” buddy. This is someone who will help you solve problems before frustration sets in. Find someone else to help you let out those frustrations when things are bad. If you need a vent buddy – use someone outside of work.
Find a mentor
This is someone who only has your interest at heart. They want you to be better simply for the sake of being better. This is where you seek advice, vent frustrations, show vulnerability and do all of those things that a manager must do to maintain sanity. A good mentor will listen, advise, teach and admonish as necessary. S/he will tell you when you’ve got it right and when you need to get your act together.
So who’s your best supporter? Simple, it is whoever gives you whatever you need to keep growing.